So I was debating about posting at all quite frankly. This is hard to say even to myself let alone to anyone else. Some of you may have seen online or heard if you know me personally that I've been going through a rough patch personally and finding a lot of stuff hard. I think I've hit the turning point (at least I hope I have) and ready to make positive changes in my life.
I'm not giving up the blog before you all ask but may take a little break from doing regular posts and just posting as and when.
I've been suffering quite badly with anxiety and panic attacks and trying to not only cope with them but work out in my head the source of them all and what triggered them in the first place. I think i have and with help from my GP, family, loved ones and employers and i'm hoping i can start making the right move into getting back to being Laura, a new improved better one that isn't stuck in a cycle and ignoring her problems.
I want to thank those that have been a massive support so far and for everyone that is being so understanding. Half the battle is dealing with each day and everyone else has made it that bit smoother for me.
I hate this anxiety and what it to fuck right off so I can deal with the stuff in my head.
The real deal is that I have to start thinking about me more and being selfish. I have to think about what makes me happy, what I want for myself in the future and the now and don't hold back. Holding back is all I've ever done and it's got me in this mess.
I've got plans and some won't surprise you but some may do but I think they are worth doing. I need to start liking myself, having faith in myself and believing what other people say to me. Give myself credit when I do good and be brave enough to stand up for myself too.
This post is very hard to write and I've been a sobbing mess on and off for the last few days and don't think my tear ducks have ever worked so hard.
I love me. I want me to be happy whatever way I choose to find that and I want to start as soon as possible
Sorry for the "heavy" post but I kind of needed to do this for me.
Laura
xoxo
You're not alone in this Laura! More people suffer than you think. I do, I actually think this kind of thing runs in my family as a have a cousin who suffers too. But my mum suffers worse of all and it's heartbreaking to see. She developed agoraphobia and hasn't been able to walk past the end of the street for four years. I pray everyday for her and hope that one day she'll be able to push herself that little bit more so she can go that bit further.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel you have to say sorry about the way you feel or what you say.
It seems you are on the right path now. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that like my mum, you are brave enough to push yourself when the time comes.
I know this must have been hard to write and post sweetie, but don't feel like you should be sorry for it, a lot of us readers care about you and want you to be happy.
ReplyDeleteIf being happy means being selfish for a while that's fine, if it means taking a break from all this then no problem. If it means needed to talk to someone then talk, seriously, waffle away, none of us will mind!
I really hope you feel better soon Hun, loves and dino hugs xxx
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ReplyDeleteHey Laura, I know we haven't talked much but I read your blog a LOT and I love it! Sorry to hear about the panic attacks, but I'm glad you're doing something to sort them out. I've had professional help for both anxiety and panic attacks amongst other things and it really helped. I hope that whatever you are going to do is helpful to you too. I think taking time out for yourself is definitely a good idea. Put yourself first and I hope you're feeling better in yourself soon! x
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about this...Do what feels right for you and if you need anything, we'll all try and help. xx
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about this. will be here
ReplyDelete*hugs* we're all here for you and behind you 100%!
ReplyDeletePanic and anxiety attacks are tough to deal with and can be very, very scary. Avoid caffeine and stress. Find more things to laugh about, stuff you enjoy. Wear something stupid! Don't give a shit what others think.
ReplyDeleteHey Laura, I just wanted to say that I understand what a hard post this must have been to write & I admire your bravery. I am fighting an ongoing battle with anxiety and panic attacks so I know where you're coming from - it sucks sometimes but it can get better. Take care of yourself, don't ever feel guilty about doing what you need to to make sure you're OK. We all need to be a little selfish sometimes and anyone who is a real friend will understand and still be there for you. If you ever need someone to talk to then you know where I am - I know how much it helped me to chat with people who had been through similar experiences.
ReplyDeleteSending massive hugs xxx
I know we haven't talked at all, but I'm a big fan of your blog and wanted to say that we all, as followers of your blog, support you. <3 and if you ever need to chat or anything, I'm right here. All the best and massive bear hugs<3<3 xoxo
ReplyDeleteI was having a tough time with anxiety earlier this year and I think you're really brave to write this post. More selfishness - though it's not really selfish to do what makes you happy, IMO - is definitely the answer in my experience :)
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