So I was debating about posting at all quite frankly. This is hard to say even to myself let alone to anyone else. Some of you may have seen online or heard if you know me personally that I've been going through a rough patch personally and finding a lot of stuff hard. I think I've hit the turning point (at least I hope I have) and ready to make positive changes in my life.
I'm not giving up the blog before you all ask but may take a little break from doing regular posts and just posting as and when.
I've been suffering quite badly with anxiety and panic attacks and trying to not only cope with them but work out in my head the source of them all and what triggered them in the first place. I think i have and with help from my GP, family, loved ones and employers and i'm hoping i can start making the right move into getting back to being Laura, a new improved better one that isn't stuck in a cycle and ignoring her problems.
I want to thank those that have been a massive support so far and for everyone that is being so understanding. Half the battle is dealing with each day and everyone else has made it that bit smoother for me.
I hate this anxiety and what it to fuck right off so I can deal with the stuff in my head.
The real deal is that I have to start thinking about me more and being selfish. I have to think about what makes me happy, what I want for myself in the future and the now and don't hold back. Holding back is all I've ever done and it's got me in this mess.
I've got plans and some won't surprise you but some may do but I think they are worth doing. I need to start liking myself, having faith in myself and believing what other people say to me. Give myself credit when I do good and be brave enough to stand up for myself too.
This post is very hard to write and I've been a sobbing mess on and off for the last few days and don't think my tear ducks have ever worked so hard.
I love me. I want me to be happy whatever way I choose to find that and I want to start as soon as possible
Sorry for the "heavy" post but I kind of needed to do this for me.